Even if we do not do it openly – a lot of men get to the point where they ask themselves “Is my wife cheating on me?”. It’s no secret that infidelity rates only go up year after year, and it’s hard not to worry “is this happening to me too”. So how do you identify infidelity in a woman? What are the signs of betrayal? How hard is the betrayal of trust? And what do you do when you suspect treason?
With years of experience in the field – we at ITI – an investigation firm owned by Irad Tamir, have gathered all the information for you on the mother of all questions – why do women cheat?
We bring you all the information we have gathered through years of work in the field and hope we can help men understand a little more.
We will start by explaining why this is happening at all and where it all starts.
So why do women cheat at the age of forty? – What happens to them a decade after the marriage?
When couples get married they are about 30 years old, usually, the woman will be around 28 and the man will be around 31-33 Simple math means that about two years from the wedding day the first child is born, i.e. the woman is 30 and the man will be around 33-35. At this point in time, the baby becomes the whole world of the woman.
It is likely that at first there is family excitement around the baby and the man is also involved in one way or another, however, the man must continue to work and support while most of the time the woman is the one caring for the child.
About a year and a half or two years later the second child usually arrives when the age difference of the children becomes very demanding for the mother and very distancing for the father. The mother is very busy taking care of the children, operating around the clock while the father walks away and tries to extend the working hours and arrive at the end of the day when in the background there are often many complaints about the mother’s loneliness.
This creates a situation where when the man comes home the woman is exhausted, with the ponytail up, tired, and lacking in energy. In contrast, the man comes home from a day of work and seeks peace, tranquility, and also some attention whether in a hot meal, pampering, or some other kind of treat.
So in fact the days go by, women are very very tired and drained and rightly so since they are occupied raising children especially at young ages with toothaches and earaches and white nights and so on. Alas if she has to work while doing that too. At nine in the evening at best the man is on the couch in the living room and the woman is snoring. There is no sex life, no sex relations as they used to have in the past when they were single, and much less expression of warmth, sympathy, and demonstration of interest.
Time passes and the gaps open up, everyone in his world, meet on weekends, mainly logistical matters around the children, exhausted, moreover, I want to mention that the same one who was 28 thin and beautiful, is no longer exactly thin and beautiful after two births, not to mention the level of neglect and noticeable fatigue on her face. The years go by and the third child arrives. And again the melody returns and again the woman is the caregiver and the man at work, the sex life is not as before and so is everything else.
A few years later, the little boy grows to be 5, the middle is almost 9, and the eldest is already 11. The children are more or less independent, go to school alone, heat a meal in the microwave, are in classes in the afternoon and the mother is vacuumed. And, since no one worked on the marital relationship the gaps grew and everyone minds his own business. The man is deep in his business, already 43-44 years old, and the woman is already 38-39 years old and has discovered that she has created a vacuum of about 10 years.
During these 10 years, she dedicated herself to her children and family and neglected herself, her independence, her development, her professional career for the benefit of someone else. She is filled with a sense of waste alongside a sense of pride of the well-educated children she has up brought, but it is always accompanied by “but where am I”? When she asks herself this question, she begins to search for herself and the meanings of life, looking for occupations, self-fulfillment, and most often the connection between her and her husband is in a situation where the fire is almost extinguished.
Men, around the age of forty, are at their peak – ever more beautiful, richer than ever, more masculine than ever – a honey trap for young women. Maybe the secretary or another young woman enjoys all this goodness …? On the other hand, they have a 40-year-old “bag” in the house, which no longer looks as she did in the past, a little wrinkled, body after birth, resentful, angry, insecure, and mostly task-oriented and in charge of operations. The man has a commander in the house and not a woman while the army service is over…. A real nuisance.
Here begins a process that the woman is looking for herself and especially looking for thrills: going back to doing sports, going to beauty salons, beautifying herself with Botox, mustache, eyebrows, lifting lashes losing weight, hair, bracelets, etc., etc., etc. A year has passed and the girl looks significantly better, confidence is rising, and with it the mood. Despite all the changes – the relationship remains in almost the same place because those who are close to the change have a hard time noticing it, with an emphasis on the husband.
To all these is added another dimension in which to all the changes boredom is added. There is no ongoing care of the children as before and there is no dependence on a woman as in the past, the house almost functions without her.
And now imagine a situation, that woman who looks good, reserved, and sweet does personal training with a thirty-year-old, cute and muscular coach who also tells her that she looks a million dollars, that she is cute, funny, and captivating, and how the hell does her husband not see that?
At the same time, a conversation with friends in a cafe about the same subject where the relationship between a woman and her husband plunged deep, all with the same trouble, all longing for a warm, loving, appreciative, and admiring relationship, looking for thrills and at the same time, a divorced/separated colleague who has an “old bag” at home courts, throws nice words, compliments, who knows what can happen.
So after we understand why this is happening and where it all comes from, let’s go back to basics and ask.
What is betrayal?
In a marital relationship there is usually an expectation of exclusivity, i.e. not having a parallel relationship with another spouse. When this expectation is unilaterally violated and a relationship takes place outside of the relationship without the knowledge or consent of the spouse, this activity is called infidelity.
Divorce following infidelity – what are the legal consequences?
According to Hebrew law, a husband who proves that his wife has betrayed him can dispossess his wife of her share in the
property and she may lose the ketubah. On the other hand – if the husband is the one who betrayed – he does not lose anything according to Hebrew law.
Because this is a very sensitive issue and each story is a case in itself, the legal consequences of a divorce following infidelity alter depending on many factors and circumstances which vary from case to case.
Therefore, you should consult a private investigator/attorney to get an answer to your case.
As soon as we start to suspect, we start to have all sorts of questions like what are signs of betrayal or what to do when suspicion of betrayal arises?
Of course, the first signs of infidelity vary from person to person and from couple to couple, but in many cases – if you are in doubt, there is no doubt and a person who recognizes signs of infidelity first feels a betrayal of trust within his relationship and therefore wants to find out the truth as soon as possible.
We at ITI can help with that. The company specializes in family law, surveillance with the help of advanced equipment, and the collection of admissible evidence for the court and the rabbinate.
Our people act while understanding the sensitivity of the issue in the ongoing accompaniment of our clients from the beginning of the process to the end and also testify in the cases in which they acted in cooperation with the accompanying lawyer.